I went to Fred Meyer. I was doing a little shopping, and my darling girls were of course out of control. It just so happens that in the very same isle as me, was my high school chemistry teacher. This may come as a shock to some of you, but I was very disrespectful to this teacher. I have gotten better over the years (so I think), but I tend to be a little sassy, and unfortunately, this teacher got the brunt of it because . . . . well . . . . . . I didn't like her. (That was back when I only wanted to have the cool teachers who only wanted to be your friend and weren't really interested in teaching. They just wanted high schoolers to think they were cool, because they obviuosly didn't have enough friends their own age). This teacher wasn't like that. She honestly tried to teach, and I would have not part of it. She was also a really nice person. I am so ashamed.
Anyway, back to my story. So I see her in the same isle, and like I said, my kids . . . . . out of control. Mostly Ava, because that is just her nature. I did not want her to see me for a couple of reasons. 1. I was so embarrassed of the way I had acted back in the day. 2. I didn't want her to see my Ava being so disrespectful to me and have her think in her head "hmmmmmm, Libbie totally deserves a kid like her after all the crap she put me through."
I successfully avoided her. But it really got me thinking. Why is it that I have such a hard time with Ava? Edyn and me get along great. Lila is a peach so far, except for the stunt she pulled the first six months of her life with the whole colic/not sleeping thing. But Ava. . . . . we butt heads like no other. Since I am such a genius, it has taken me this long to figure out why. WE ARE JUST LIKE EACHOTHER. Seriously. There are just so many similarities.
1. Ava is sassy. I am sassy.
2. Ava is bossy. I am bossy.
3. Ava is stubborn. I am stubborn.
4. Ava has blue eyes. I have blue eyes. ("Mom, our eyes match.")
5. Ava tells me I am mean all the time. I call Damon a jerk all the time.
6. Ava has been peeing her pants lately even though she has been potty trained for 2 years, because she is too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom. I pee my pants when I cough or laugh too hard, jump on the trampoline, or while attempting aerobics.
7. Ava is always feeding her face. I am always feeding my face.
8. Ava has never been really cuddly or affectionate. I have never been cuddly or affectionate.
9. Ava is impatient. I am impatient.
10. Ava will not take no for an answer. I will not take no for an answer.
11. Ava has her own agenda. I have my own agenda.
12. Ava hates going to bed. I hate going to bed.
13. Ava is crazy when she is tired. I am crazy when I am tired (and most other times too).
14. Ava likes to yell. I like to yell at Ava.
OH. MY. GOSH. The list goes on and on. Is no wonder we butt heads. I have never been a big book reader on how to raise kids. Not because I don't think they don't offer valuable information. I just think that every kid is different, and there are so many methods out there. Some things work for some people, and other methods work for other people. Its just too overwhelming. What I want, is for someone else to read the books and tell me what would work best for me in this situation. Anyone interested? I will totally pay you.
Since I am sure no one will volunteer for that one, I think I am definitely going to be reading up on how to do better with this baby o' mine. But until I can fit it in my busy schedule, I will show her all the love I can, because after all, she is pretty adorable.
Yes, that is a BeDazzler in the background.
11 comments:
Right there with you with Savannah... although my mom swears I didn't start my temper tantrums until about 5 or 6 (which I think is even more embarrassing).
I see a lot of my crazy OCD tendencies in both of them and my lack of ability to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. It is scary how much of a mirror they can be (especially in the way they treat their baby dolls!).
I feel a bit of your pain. Ryan is A LOT like me. But, he's a boy so it's not quite as bad however, there are moments I want to scream at him and then I realize the thing that is ticking me off is something I would do and then I think 'crap, he probably learned that from me what can I say to him about it - hello, hypocrite'. I totally know that was a run on sentence but it made sense right?
Good luck, maybe when she is 10 like Ryan you will start to enjoy some of the other similarities. Right now Ryan loves to tell me every dang detail of every book he reads (about 3 each week and they are long ones) which is totally me. I have to admit I like that.
My oldest is almost a carbon copy of Jeff and my youngest is almost a copy of me. With both of them, I have had hard times.
When things start to smooth out and flow well is when I remember how I wanted to be treated when I was little. If I get in a tough spot with one of them I try to think how my mom and dad handled it and find a different way, most times.
I think your right about each kid needing a different approach. I just kind of feel out the situation and go on instinct of what would be best.
What I'm saying is probably too vague. I also don't think I am the worlds greatest mom, so where do I come off trying to give advice! :)
Libbie I feel for you. I really do. Heidi's comment, even though it hurts is dead on. For some reason she and I just butted heads. I know that she really did get the worst of me. I was constantly in power struggles with her and even though I felt bad at the end of the day, it was never enough to change my way of dealing with her. I don't know if this will help you but I'll share it with you just in case.
The way I treated Heidi is my biggest regret in life. If I could do one thing to change my life, it would be to go back thirty years and talk to myself back then. I would try my hardest to share with myself how important it was to have MUCH more patience with her and to show her as much love as possible. I would point out to myself specific things I did with her that even to this day continue to hurt her and affect her. I know that this is impossible to do. What I suggest Libbie is to imagine your future self coming to visit and the things she would plead with you to change. My biggest mistake with Heidi was to not remember that she was the child and I was the parent. She was so smart and sassy that I treated her more like a rival than my child. I wish now that I had been able to see her entirely as the little girl she was and to feel nothing but acceptance and love for her, instead of seeing her as my sparring partner and someone to one up.
I don't know if you have that hard of a time with Ava, but please do all you can now with her so you don't end up with the heartbreaking regrets I have now. If you ever need anyone to talk to who has been in the same situation Libbie, call me and we'll talk. I think if I had someone who could have really related to my feelins with Heidi it would really have helped.
Libbie - your Ava is the cutest little thing in the world. I agree...I think you should just continue to love the snot out of her and she will be a great person. - just like YOU!!
What you need to remember is that you ARE a good mom. And you are so right, Ava is just like you! Claire is just like me and I try to do the same thing as Heidi said above. I think, How would I have wanted my parents to handle this when I was little? or maybe not what I WANTED, but what would have been most effective. I also try and remember "If I yell, I lose". I am telling you, you would really like Love and Logic!
I love that Ava girl! She is such a fun, smart, sweet little turkey!
Maybe it's being the middle girl, because I have the same issues with my Lorelai. By the way, I am still super duper grateful for entertaining her all day this past Thursday. Have a told you lately that you rock? You totally do.
Hey Libbie, this is Brooke (Burt) from high school. I know we weren't really "friends" in HS, but I've popped into read your blog from time to time (via MSB and El Donaldo). I have a little resolution to not be such a blog stalker, so I thought this was a good time to finally leave you a comment...
Anyways, I admire how open and honest you are on your blog. I am beginning to have mirror-like issues with my almost 3 yr old daughter, so it helps to know I'm not alone in feeling a little frustrated when dealing with her. Your girls are beautiful by the way!
i was in the middle of a long comment and my battery went dead okay..here we go..your little ones are so cute..and yes, i agree, they all come so different and when it comes to parenting there is no right or wrong way..everyone just does the best they know how..but here's a little bit of info. that you might find interesting..josh got his dad the john stassel (sp?) (the 20/20 guy) book called "myths and lies & down right stupiity".. or something like that..anyway.. there's a whole parenting section in there that's really interesting and funny..one thing that i read, though, and i'll never forget it is that your 50% of your child's personality is COMPLETELY GENETIC! that's a good one to know huh! i think so anyway!! you're a great mom libbie!!
Oh dear. I am laughing my head off/ crying my eyes out for you. I have A FEW children that are just like me. Then one of them hits puberty and we start at the same time (TMI--I know...sorry child who shall remain nameless) and all hell breaks loose. All these comments have gotten me thinking too, and I think that we often forget as mothers that they are JUST LITTLE KIDS, and that they need guidance, not control. I think about training a horse, or how you get a horse to do the things that you want it to do. Often times the horse only does what it is trained to do because of the consequences it will get by NOT doing what is expected of it. Sometimes training a horse is called "breaking" it. I have often thought of this term when I am "training" my children. I think that I all too often am trying to break my children into doing the right thing, rather than have them learn from a mother who loves and appreciates them for who they are, who at the same time sets an example and a tone in our home that would lend itself to a place of peace. I have struggled with this and continue to do so. I have a wonderful friend who inspires me EVERY SINGLE TIME I talk to her. She told me once that she struggles with one of her kids, so she decided to keep a journal of things she loves about this particular child. Everyday she writes something specific that she loves about that child that day, consequently, she is always looking for the wonderful things about him. I think this is a fabulous idea. We should both do it. Hey, I just thought of something...maybe it would help me appreciate myself and my own qualities better, seeing as how the things that annoy me the most about my kids are the same quirks that I have. Good Luck, you are doing a great job.
I think you hit it right on! HA HA HA!
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