Thursday, May 20, 2010


Looking for a few good suggestions on how to throw the most ghetto-fabulous 5 year old birthday party? You're in luck. I just so happen to know someone who just got done not only planning . . . but executing one.

1. On your child's actual birthday, you forget to request the day off so you bum off your motherly responsibilities and have your husband take her to the waterpark and to Famous Daves with her sisters and cousins. He does willingly. . . because he's the best dad/husband in the world. You make sure to have him take pictures, but you forget to tell him NOT to dress them like orphans.

Ava's Favorite Aunties . . . here on her actual birthday!

2. Skip the invitations. No time for that. You send out a tacky group text. Text should say something like, "I'm having a short and sweet birthday party for Ava at my . . . . and when I say "my" I really mean "Mamie's" house. Monday 4-5.... We'll just play a few games outside and have cake and ice cream. You are more than welcome to bring all of your kids and you are also welcome to stay if you want. I know. . . . . I'm a party animal." The day of the party you remember how many people you forgot to invite.

3. Go ahead and procrastinate getting anything ready for the "short and sweet" party until the morning of . . . . . . . after you have been at the Dr. with a screaming baby for 2 hours. Then you head to . . . . wait for it . . . . . wait for it . . . . WALMART. . . . to get all of the essentials. You know . . . Pinata, gobs of candy, Pre-made cake, cake mix (you have to make sure you have enough because you forgot how many people you invited), frosting, and because you are super classy and want to save money on paper cups, you go ahead and get Capri Suns. Its like killing two birds with one stone.

4. You go home and plan on getting started, cause now you are down to 3 hours before ghetto fabulous party, and you still have to clean the house, make 48 cupcakes, and a vegetable tray for those of us with high cholesterol (dang). . . . . BUT . . . . Tootsies is exhausted from all of her screaming, so of course you have to lay her down for a nap, but she refuses to sleep unless you are snuggling her. Oops . . . You accidentally fall asleep for 45 minutes (come to find out . . . your fatigue is caused by lack of sleep). You wake up and jump out of Mamie's bed (you can't sleep in yours because its full of laundry and your room is so dirty you can barely walk through it) and realize that NOW you only have 1 hour 15 minutes to pull this off.

5. Scrambling, you do the best multi-tasking you have ever done, baking, peeling and slicing, cleaning . . . . you get it pretty much done with 5 minutes to spare, and are so grateful when Mamie and Kristy walk in through the garage and ask what they can do to help. Usually you would be too embarrassed and say . . . "oh nothing, I got it all" . . . . but you don't, so you have Mamie put the vegetable tray together and Kristy frost the cupcakes while you continue to scramble.

6. All of the kids show up and you play a quick game. . . . . on the wet grass of course. It would be a shame to keep their pants clean. The first game goes off pretty well. But you just know that the Pinata is gong to be a hit . . . . after all, all the other birthday parties you go to, it takes up plenty of time and the kids have so much fun . . . . And because you bought a special Princess Pinata at Walmart, what could go wrong?

7. You line all 20 kids up . . . Birthday girl first of course. Thinking you're gonna sit back and kill some time . . . And Birthday girl breaks that sucker down on her third swing. Which leads you to believe . . . 1. Walmart Pinatas Suck. Who knew? 2. You probably shouldn't use a metal bat 3. Overstuffing with candy can also hinder time killing, as it makes the pinata too heavy, allowing it to fall off the rope, helping it break easier. 4. Kids aren't too concerned with hitting the dang thing. They just want the candy. Geez. You should save yourself 20 bucks and throw the candy in the air and watch them scramble.

8. What the heck. You just move on to cake and ice cream. Except you are so caught up in all the chaos . . . that you forget not only to sing Happy Birthday and blow out candles . . . . but eat the blasted cake. Whatever. The cupcakes worked just fine, and you can put that cake in the freezer and give it to your Mother in Law the next day for her birthday. You're a big fan of re-gifting anyway. Even if it is tacky. You ARE tacky.

9. Speaking of tacky . . . you rush everyone out the door, because you have somewhere to be . . . a surprise birthday celebration for your friend that you need to get to STAT. And you leave the mess for your husband to clean up . (But you get home . . . and it hasn't been cleaned up).

10. You neglect posting it on your blog . . . . which is also your journal until 5 days after the actual birthday because you are too dang busy to do anything but raise children, help your husband run your new business, work at the greatest boutique ever, figure out what the heck is wrong with your shoulder/arm, church responsibilities, be super cool, and perhaps trying to fit in a few breaths now and then.

The End.

P.S. I'm full of ideas for D-Day Parties, Weddings, Bridal and Baby showers, etc. Feel free to give me a jingle and I'll help you out anytime.

P.P.S. I'm so sorry Ava. I'll do better next time. You are my beautiful, spunky, sassy, hilarious, blue eyed girl. Happy Birthday . . . . . MOMMY LOVES YOU!