Thursday, March 8, 2012

Please Tell Me I'm Not the Only One . . . . . .

I feel like I have a few good qualities.

I can function well in social settings.
(except when I say dumb things).

I am a hard worker.
(however, that becomes questionable after 10pm nowadays).

I am confident in myself.
(most of the time. but around mile 23 of a marathon I may cry due to lack of confidence).

I don't really pay much attention to what people think of me.
(although some might consider this a bad quality).

I am usually kind to others.
(unless you piss me off by being stupid, rude or judgmental).

I would list some more, but I'm stumped, so that must be all.

Now . . . . . lets talk about something I suck at. Big Time.
Being a Mom.
Its one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life . . . . . and I've done a lot of hard things. Some days (actually, lots of days) I consider myself an epic failure.
With a Big. Fat. Capital F.

I'm not going to get into the dirty details. Lets just say that the last few days have rough. There has been some severe lecturing, and a little crying involved. . . . . . by me, not the children.
You know it's bad if I cry. That just doesn't happen very often.

I have great little girls. They are beautiful, inside and out. I love them dearly. I know they love me. But they are kids. Very strong willed kids. And they act like very strong willed kids.

The problem here is me. Dangit.
(I really want to say Damnit, but that would be inappropriate).

I know I can do hard things. Even if I get through most of those hard things with mediocrity. But I don't want to be a mediocre mother. So I suppose its time to undo myself from the fetal position, put down the animal cookies, and get to work. Cause I signed up for this. I'm not a quitter. There's too much riding on this. Their futures . . . . . at this point in their lives, are in my hands. And that is a great responsibility. One I don't take lightly.