daddy's blog...

It snowed tonight.
Our living room is empty.
I'm here alone tonight.
and our living room is empty.
Edyn's light is gone.
and our living room is empty.
"Ven" she doesn't call for me.
now our living room feels so empty.

Not really poetry from daddy, just a few thoughts that went through my mind as I was trying to get the last things done at our "old house". I learned a few things tonight as I cleaned. First, don't be in a hurry...

I remember so clearly how eager we were to move into our new home. To leave behind the place Edyn first came home to, and to give her her very own room. It seemed so far away, accross the living room to it, so we made a little bed for her and she one day slept in it, next to ours. Of course she always ended up in our bed. We wanted so badly for the day to come that she would sleep through the night all by herself. It kind of did there for a while, and somehow I found myself falling asleep with her in her bed now...

We were so eager to sell our house, always considering it "a" home but probly not "our" home. Too many things we didn't like about it. Let's get out of here we thought, and said, and complained when it didn't sell. You know it finally did. "Hooray!" as Libbie stated before.

So now "our living room is empty".

I walked around the house tonight and remembered some of the things that I will only be able to see in my mind, and not replay as I walk through the rooms where they happened. They are not mine now.

Here are some really poor pictures I took with my phone (it was all I had with me tonight). I'd like to take a you on a tour of my empty living room, and a few other places...



Just a couple of days before we could officially moved in, we were having a little daddy daughter time. Edyn was almost 2 and a half. We got McDonalds, a dad's healthy lunch option, of course. There was no furiture, so we sat in the middle of the living room floor, eating Chicken Nuggets together. Edyn ran circles around me, laughed and would come back when she was hungry. A big grin on her face, her Pink and Red sun dress waved from side to side as she without knowing caused her daddy for the first time not just to feel the love he had always felt for her, but a freindship. He knew she loved him back. And now the living room is empty.



The laundry room is empty...I used to come home to find Edyn playing with usually Tio. She loves her Tio. When I would come in, for quite some time, she would run away, mullet waving back and forth, and yell, while waving her hand toward herself "daddy, ven" "daddy, ven". I would follow her into the laundry room, where she would beg me to close the door and we would sit by the dryer. I never quite figured out what she wanted to accomplish sitting there in the laundry room, but I'll tell myself she just wanted some time alone with daddy. I miss her mullet, and now the laundry room is empty.



I mentioned that Edyn loves her Tio. I should also mention that she loves her Tia too. When they lived downstairs she always wanted to go play with them. Her favorite thing to do? Run in and out of her "Fhort". Heavy on the "h" sound in there for some reason, and a long hard "t" at the end. You may notice the closet rods in this picture. It was Tio's under the stairs closet he made for himself. There are no longer clothes there, but what remains is the little light he put there for her. It was so dark behind all the clothes, but she knew right where to go to turn it on and a simple closet became a magical place. I sometimes was invited in too.



I started with "It snowed tonight" and it did. It wasn't much, but as I looked out onto the deck, I could remember the last time we had a little good snow. The deck was a perfect place to start a ramp down into the snow. Sleds and mittens, and boots, and caps... last year we made our first snowman together. On her hands and knees Edyn helped me roll up three balls of snow and Frosty came alive!

Now Ava is two, and almost three.
No offense to mommy,
but I'm not sure there is anyone she loves more than me!
I'm looking at my babies both alseep in bed,
I'll probly lay down with them, one at my feet, the other near my head.
Not in such a hurry anymore.
I'm gonna miss that place.
Day after tomorrow it won't be my place.

Libbie often says I remember too many things that don't matter. I'm glad tonight I could remember some that really do.